Reflections on Marriage

Two events within the past week have brought the issue of marriage back to center stage in our country. The first was the Iowa Supreme Court ruling that said prohibiting homosexuals from marrying was unconstitutional in Iowa. That set off the customary and usual firestorm of comments. The second was the conclusion of the semi-annual Conference of the LDS Church in Salt Lake City. As part of the report to the faithful, the LDS leadership defended their work to oppose same-sex marriages in California. So far, this has not generated much 'buzz', but it is still early.

While I am not going to propose any Solomon like answer for how our country can address this issue, I do want to share some questions I have had about marriage going back 25+ years. In the early 1980's, three friends of mine, who are also ministers, and I were on our way to a meeting. As we travelled, somehow, the subject of marriage came up. Several of the typical holy descriptions of marriage of the day were brought up: it is a sacrament; it is God-ordained; it is established by God in the Bible - particularly in the Book of Genesis; it is a divine institution.

Being the contrarian that I am, I questioned my collegues. I asked whether any marriage, even if it were formalized only by civic authority, could be considered a divine institution or a God-ordained relationship. They all said, "Absolutely." So, I said that this seems like humans beings were forcing God to put a stamp of approval on a relationships that may or may not have had any holy component. I then asked at what point does a marriage become a holy thing. Did it happen when the preacher showed up for the rehearsal, when the money was paid and the license was signed in the courthouse before any ceremony was held, when either or both of the couple said, "I do", or when the preacher signed the license after the ceremony was concluded? Or did it happen after years of commitment of living together in faithful relationship?

I think the questions I raised then are appropriate now. What is it that makes a marriage? Is it the commitment between two people? Is it when the words are said during a ceremony? Is it when the legal requirements of the state are satisfied?

What do you think?